The Power of Listening: How Improving Communication Skills Creates Positive Change

Man Listening

In honor of Sam Cooke’s iconic 1963 song “A Change is Gonna Come,” this post is dedicated to everyone who is:

• waiting for change

• longing for change

• advocating for change

• hoping for change

• fighting for change

• afraid of change

  
  

Change is something humans strive toward from birth to death. It happens within individuals, families, communities, and entire societies. Positive change benefits everyone, but it rarely happens by accident. It begins with understanding—and before we can understand, we must first listen.

Why Listening Matters

In today’s high-speed, high-stress, tech-driven world, genuine listening has become rare. Yet listening is the foundation of healthy relationships, problem-solving, learning and meaningful conversations. Real listening builds trust, reduces conflict, and helps us see perspectives beyond our own. Improving communication skills takes time.

The question is: how well do we actually listen?

Even as a therapist, I’ll admit that outside my office, my own listening skills could use some work. Genuine listening is not always comfortable—it requires us to sit with emotions and sometimes hear things that challenge our views. But if we want to move toward peace, unity, and change, we must examine how we listen.

Three Common Listening Styles

There are countless ways to listen, but three styles show up most often in difficult conversations. Take a moment to reflect: which one sounds most like you?

1. Listening to Win

This happens when we only listen to gather ammunition for a rebuttal. Instead of hearing the other person, our brain is busy planning a counter-argument.

• The problem: Listening to win lacks empathy. It fuels division, escalates conflict, and prevents true understanding.

• The result: Conversations become battles, and relationships suffer.

  
  

2. Listening to Fix

This is when we listen with the intent to solve, correct, or change the other person’s problem or perspective.

• The problem: It often comes across as controlling or “know-it-all” behavior.

• The result: The other person feels attacked or dismissed, which shuts down meaningful dialogue.

Remember, it’s not our job to “fix” another person—it’s our job to approach conversations with openness and respect.

3. Listening to Learn

This is the most powerful form of listening. It means setting aside judgment, assumptions, and the urge to respond right away. Instead, we genuinely hear the other person’s story, allowing them to teach us about their perspective.

• The benefit: We don’t have to agree or condone someone’s choices to understand them.

• The result: Listening to learn builds empathy, reduces defensiveness, and opens the door for real connection and positive change.

It’s not always easy—especially when emotions are high—but it’s worth the effort.

Tips for Difficult Conversations

Before entering a potentially uncomfortable discussion:

• Ask permission: “Would you be open to talking about this?”

• Clarify expectations: “Are you comfortable hearing a different perspective?”

• Reflect on how you’d want to be heard.

• Remember that the goal is understanding, not winning.

By approaching conversations this way, we create space for genuine dialogue instead of conflict.

Improving communication Skills is a bedrock of learning

When we shift from listening to win or fix to listening to learn, we unlock the possibility of peace, unity, and growth. This shift doesn’t just help individuals—it strengthens families, communities, and even society at large.

My hope is that we each commit to practicing more “listening to learn” in our daily lives.

Because as Sam Cooke sang so beautifully:

“It’s been a long, a long time coming, but I know a change gonna come. Oh yes it will.”

Misti Luke, LCSW is a licensed therapist in rural Oklahoma, where she maintains a small private counseling practice. Misti provides in-office and online behavioral health services.

For correspondence: misti@mistiluke.com

Disclaimer: The contents of this blog post are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical or behavioral health treatment, nor should it be used to diagnose yourself or anyone else. Correspondence with Misti Luke does not constitute a professional, therapeutic relationship. If you are in emotional distress or are unable to keep yourself safe, dial 911 immediately or go to your nearest emergency room.